Ok, so, it isn't the biggest secret in the world that I love gardening and plants. Many even know that I love books, especially old ones. So, wouldn't it figure that I LOVE old books on plants and gardening??? Check this out. I really want this. It is THE first book on rock gardens and plants when the CONCEPT of what we know to be a rock garden was truly taking form... Why am I damp over this??? I am sooooo friggin' weird. Anyway, check it out.
Alpine Flowers for English Gardens
This one might be cooler though. It is a little cheaper and although it has a stain on the back cover, there is an article attached to the inside about the author. Cool? I think so...lol...
Lata' ya'll!
P.S. Okay, so I decided to look around for books by Gertrude Jekyll (she was the one who pioneered the idea for the "Moon Garden") anyway, here...
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Little Old Man From Pensacola...
Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper.
Dear Kids,
I am very happy in the new residence you have put me in. This week we actually got to go outside for an hour. I haven't been feeling very good this week as the friend I shared a room with died yesterday. I am coping pretty well with my sorrows. It's been six months since you've visited me last, I guess you're all pretty busy. It's OK, I've learned to use the Internet to pass the time. And the computer in the rec room has a pretty decent web cam. So you can remember what I look like, I have attached a recent picture of myself. You all take care, and write to me soon.
With all of my heart.
Love, Grandma
I am very happy in the new residence you have put me in. This week we actually got to go outside for an hour. I haven't been feeling very good this week as the friend I shared a room with died yesterday. I am coping pretty well with my sorrows. It's been six months since you've visited me last, I guess you're all pretty busy. It's OK, I've learned to use the Internet to pass the time. And the computer in the rec room has a pretty decent web cam. So you can remember what I look like, I have attached a recent picture of myself. You all take care, and write to me soon.
With all of my heart.
Love, Grandma
Warning...This MAY contain racist undertones...
Drinking with a redneck girl...
A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a redneck girl are in the! same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice".
The Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."
The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one drink, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a redneck girl are in the! same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice".
The Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."
The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one drink, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
Mother...
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
Little boys and the hospital...
Two little kids are in a hospital, each lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jello and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoaaaa -- good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year"!
Can you believe my boss sent this to me??? LOL...
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jello and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoaaaa -- good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year"!
Can you believe my boss sent this to me??? LOL...
I wish I...
I wish I could get my finances together. I am really having a hard time dealing with this. If I could only get a $20,000 student loan, hell, I am sure that I could make things work with $10,000. I could pay off my medical bills, get the collections off my back for the various financial issues caused by Susie and The Tumor, pay of my car... It just kills me when I think about how much one little thing could turn things around and set me on the path to repairing my credit and financial life. At the rate that I am going at, I'll be lucky if it ever happens.
I wish Sam and I could get a house. I was all teary-eyed looking through all the houses today. I torture myself evey so often with this...I'm not so sure why, but I do. Cute houses, one of them absolutely perfect for us, just under $190,000. Again, with my shitty credit, it'll never happen. All I do is think of a yard that is ours, a house to shape and design as we seem fit... It sucks.
I wish I could be done with school and on to my real job, but I am much happier with the weight now that I have changed gears.
I wish I could figure out how to post a damned video...Sam forgot the best Kelly video...
We'll see if that works...anyway...I should get ready for work!
Lata' ya'll!
I wish Sam and I could get a house. I was all teary-eyed looking through all the houses today. I torture myself evey so often with this...I'm not so sure why, but I do. Cute houses, one of them absolutely perfect for us, just under $190,000. Again, with my shitty credit, it'll never happen. All I do is think of a yard that is ours, a house to shape and design as we seem fit... It sucks.
I wish I could be done with school and on to my real job, but I am much happier with the weight now that I have changed gears.
I wish I could figure out how to post a damned video...Sam forgot the best Kelly video...
We'll see if that works...anyway...I should get ready for work!
Lata' ya'll!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
I am a Myth Buster!
Once again I am going to burst everyone's bubble by debunking an email I recently received. If you hear anything about people using perfume/cologne to rob or otherwise hurt you, it is false. I have actually PURCHASED perfume from one of the wandering vendors and was quite satisfied with it. Please check out this link and put your mind to rest: http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/perfume.asp
Thanks!
Lata' ya'll!
Thanks!
Lata' ya'll!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Okay...sweet!
It seems that everything should go just fine next semester with my transfer to CFANS. I am registered for a CHEM class and a class on Plant Propagtion. Cool, yeah? Anyway, here are some eco-fun things to check out:
A Star Trib article:
http://www.startribune.com/10165
This is something really cool that is put on by my school, I hope to make this my focus somehow:
http://www.sustland.umn.edu/
http://www.csbr.umn.edu/
Well, work is busy and stuff so...
Lata' ya'll!
A Star Trib article:
http://www.startribune.com/10165
This is something really cool that is put on by my school, I hope to make this my focus somehow:
http://www.sustland.umn.edu/
http://www.csbr.umn.edu/
Well, work is busy and stuff so...
Lata' ya'll!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Ok...in honor of my meeting tomorrow...
Since I have my meeting on whether or not I am going to change my major tomorrow, I figured that I would talk about why Horticulture is my true calling, for those of you who don't know me anyway. A big reason is I am always doing something with some kind of plant in my spare time. I have them at home, I have them at work, outside and inside. It's my addiction. Do you know anyone who has a baby Lemon Eucalyptus Tree at home that they started from seed? You do now. I make fact sheets to reference to things involving plants and the care of them. If I am not reading a Blizzard Entertainment book, I'm reading a book on plants or something in relation to them. Right now I am reading "Backyard Composting," for real. I'm a geek. Anyway, some things I think are cool:
Green Living...
Campaign Earth
Low Impact Living
Green living tips
Green Living ™
Earth-Friendly Goods For Your Home
The Green Guide
Green Building...
Global Green USA
Green Building
U.S. Green Building Council
Building Green
Sustainable Living...
Maharishi University of Management
Eartheasy
So yeah...I'm a tree hugger...lol... Look at the sites over and see what you think. I kinda grabbed a random variety in hopes of catching your interests! Anyway, I hope you think a little more about the way you live!
Lata' ya'll!
Green Living...
Campaign Earth
Low Impact Living
Green living tips
Green Living ™
Earth-Friendly Goods For Your Home
The Green Guide
Green Building...
Global Green USA
Green Building
U.S. Green Building Council
Building Green
Sustainable Living...
Maharishi University of Management
Eartheasy
So yeah...I'm a tree hugger...lol... Look at the sites over and see what you think. I kinda grabbed a random variety in hopes of catching your interests! Anyway, I hope you think a little more about the way you live!
Lata' ya'll!
Monday, June 18, 2007
Blah, blah, blah...
I don't really want to talk right now, I'm not in a good mood... It's just one of those days. I still feel like I am spinning my wheels with my life and I'm not sure of what to do with myself and I don't think I am the full person I should be to my family and to Sam and to my friends...I feel like a shadow... Anyway, already bummed that Amy is gone. I am... You know, now that I think about it... If I dropped the whole language thing and I switched my major, I would be SOOOO much happier.
.....
OK, my meeting with the Dept of Hort Counsler is set on the 21st. I figured the Summer Solstice would be good luck. Hopefully this all works best and by Friday I am enrolled in classes on the St. Paul campus.
Anyway...lots of work to do!
Lata' ya'll!
.....
OK, my meeting with the Dept of Hort Counsler is set on the 21st. I figured the Summer Solstice would be good luck. Hopefully this all works best and by Friday I am enrolled in classes on the St. Paul campus.
Anyway...lots of work to do!
Lata' ya'll!
Friday, June 15, 2007
Ok, what about me?
"What About Me?" - Moving Pictures
Well there's a little boy waitin' at the counter of a corner shop
He's been waitin' down there, waitin' half the day
They never ever seem to have the time
He gets pushed around, knocked to the ground
He gets to his feet and he says
Chorus:
"What About me, it isn't fair
I've had enough now I want my share
Can't you see? I wanna live!
But you just take more than you give..."
Well there's a pretty girl servin' at the counter of a corner shop
She's been waitin' back there, waitin' for her dream
And dreams walk in and out, they never stop
Well she's not too proud to cry out loud
She runs to the street and she screams
Chorus
(More than you give)
Take a step back and see the little people
There's nothin there but the words that make the big people big
So listen, as they whisper;
"What about me? ..."
Now we're standin' on the corner of a world gone home
Nobody's changed, nobody's been saved
And now I'm feelin' cold and alone
I guess I'm lucky, I smile a lot
But sometimes I wish for more than I've got...
"What About me, it isn't fair
I've had enough now I want my share
Can't you see? I wanna live!
But you just take more - What about me?!
It isn't fair!
I've had enough now I want my share!
Can't you see? I wanna live!
But you just take more
You just take more
You just take more than you give...
What about me?
What about me?
What about me?
Ok, I am having a really bad day and I just want to take a moment to say...WTF! I am going through a low period right now anyway with this month being my 1 year since my brain tumor, "life-changing," near death chaos... So yeah, heavy... But now I am going through, which I had been earlier than this, but it intensified, a second guessing of my intended major. I want to go to school for Horticulture Sciences now. Then, Amy is going in for surgery so I am totally bummed out. I really KNOW that she'll be ok...I feel bad that she'll be in pain even if it will help reduce her everyday pain...and I'll miss her. It sucks being here sometimes...it really sucks without her and it'll suck worse with all the changes... That's another thing that is bothering me. We're having another person moving into our offices that are already cramped. We need a makeover here, but we're always overlooked in sooooo many ways. Then, Sam is having issues with his work, which is irritating, and it is causing problems with our personal lives and our money and it is all their fault, their screw-up and they are friggin' idiots! Work sucks tonight, everyone is mean and stupid...I swear...times like this I just want to quit, my head is going to explode! Now Sam has to work Sunday! So that jumbles everything up. So Sam just had an incident at work...and my day has now gotten so bad and I think I can't even continue bitching...the last thing I will say is, I think with the current state of things, I can offically give up on my family and friends doing something to suprise me on my anniversary tomorrow...
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Awww...Brits! Parrots! So very, very funny!
A bloke is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little
perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud "Bloody hell!. I wonder what happened to this parrot?
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot".
"Holy smoke", the bloke replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word", says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?", the bloke asks, "Then answer this - how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well", the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willy around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't you!"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The bloke looks at the £200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."
"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is,
nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably
get me for £20, just make the guy an offer!"
The bloke offers £20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by.
The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's
interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathises, and he's insightful. The bloke is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes
"Psssssssssssst"
and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you
this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the bloke.
"When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT???" the bloke asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nighty and began petting her all over" reported the parrot.
"My God!" the bloke exclaims. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down....
"WELL???" demands the frantic bloke, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"F*ck knows" say's the parrot, I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
I love Brits...Really...
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts.
To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.
"You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic - and that aftershave is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.
"Who let you in here? Did you check the mirror before you left the house? Get away from me, you oaf!"
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.
"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.
"You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic - and that aftershave is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.
"Who let you in here? Did you check the mirror before you left the house? Get away from me, you oaf!"
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.
"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
Ok...this one made me snort...
Two women friends, incredibly drunk and walking home got caught short. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head stone or something.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she'd take off her panties and use them, then throw them away. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to wipe herself with that. They then made off for home.
The next day one woman's husband phoned the other husband and said "We'd better keep an eye on our wives you know, mine came home last night without her panties."
"That's nothing" said the other "Mine came back with a card stuck
between her ass that said 'From all the lads at the fire station. We'll never forget you'."
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she'd take off her panties and use them, then throw them away. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to wipe herself with that. They then made off for home.
The next day one woman's husband phoned the other husband and said "We'd better keep an eye on our wives you know, mine came home last night without her panties."
"That's nothing" said the other "Mine came back with a card stuck
between her ass that said 'From all the lads at the fire station. We'll never forget you'."
Who would have thought...
God and I feel the same way about non-renewable resources in the yard...
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -- sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ...
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -- sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ...
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
Extreme sports are cool...
Alice and Frank were Bungee jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, "You know we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping business in Mexico ."
Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
When they had finished, there was such a crowd, they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration, so Alice jumps.
She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again.This time, she is bruised and bleeding. Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time, she comes back pretty messed up - she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened??? Was the cord too long????"
Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine...it was the crowd! .... What the HELL is a Pinata?!"
(Pic from http://www.bungeezone.com/pics/thijs7.shtml)
Gay Flight Attendant...
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch!"
(Pic provided by Skyboy International, yes, there is a gay flight attendant website...LOL)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Translation...
I found it myself...
How to tell someone's hobby in Autumn ?
(from left to right)
Water skiing
Biking
Aqualung (diving?)
Skateboarding
Internet
Tennis
How to tell someone's hobby in Autumn ?
(from left to right)
Water skiing
Biking
Aqualung (diving?)
Skateboarding
Internet
Tennis
K...new fun sit of the day...continued...
These were off of the first two pages of the site:
http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/node/21928?from=0&comments_per_page=30
I found on one of my random quests for nothingness.
P.S. That muffin pic is actually a shirt off of Threadless.com.
News Alert: "I KNOW I'M NOT FAT!"
Ok, if one more person says that I am skinny and mocks me for doing Weight Watchers, I'm gonna bitch slap them! I mean, yes, I KNOW that I am in better shape than YOU, but that doesn't mean I am in GOOD SHAPE. Don't flatter yourself. See, I've come to realize that people mock my life choices for the same reason bullies pick on other kids...THEY ARE TRYING TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES AND JUSTIFY THEIR WAY OF BEING!!! I mean, come on, why else would you care? I am trying to not only lose a few pounds of unnecessary, unhealthy fat, but improve my diet and my level of physical fitness by being more active. Argh! People suck! A couple coworkers asked me about what I was eating and I told them about my diet as an honest answer to why I was eating like I do...and they mock me! It is funny how insecure friends can turn on you so quickly. Anyway, that's it, I feel better... Well, kinda... I'll quit bitching at any rate. Lata' ya'll!
Monday, June 11, 2007
Ok...Gay Bomb?
Gay Bomb???
What?
"(CBS 5) BERKELEY A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.
Pentagon officials on Friday confirmed to CBS 5 that military leaders had considered, and then subsquently rejected, building the so-called 'Gay Bomb.'"
-Hank Plante
All I want to know is... Is this a nation of fit, good-looking enemies or big, hairy, terrorists (the "real" kind)??? I mean, this could be useful to the Gay Community if we ever went to war against the Mediterranean Sea countries, Gyms, The Olympics, or Soap Operas... I mean, yeah, right?
Lata' ya'll!
What?
"(CBS 5) BERKELEY A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.
Pentagon officials on Friday confirmed to CBS 5 that military leaders had considered, and then subsquently rejected, building the so-called 'Gay Bomb.'"
-Hank Plante
All I want to know is... Is this a nation of fit, good-looking enemies or big, hairy, terrorists (the "real" kind)??? I mean, this could be useful to the Gay Community if we ever went to war against the Mediterranean Sea countries, Gyms, The Olympics, or Soap Operas... I mean, yeah, right?
Lata' ya'll!
You Breeders Can Keep Him...
Ok...I think the picture says it all...but just to clarify...WE DON'T WANT HIM! Us Fags have enough problems without creepy little "mascots" like this running around. I mean, come on, like, come on!
Anyway, this little pic here comes from the Site of the Day:
ATLmalcontent
Not that I agree with everything said 100%, but there were at least entertaining pics, right? Lata ya'll!
This is My Goal...
Okay, so this is Josh Berresford from Dante's Cove. This body type is my goal. This is why I have started the Weight Watchers' Diet. Next, after I get that down, I will work up to working out. My body was really torn apart by my surgery and following infection, but yeah, I have to start slow. Tonight Sammy said that he would go for a walk with me. I think I am about to go on break and do that now here at work too. SOOOOO... Lata ya'll!
Medical School...
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
"Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
"Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
Lost Grandpa...
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Bombay Gin and women with big tits."
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Bombay Gin and women with big tits."
Oatmeal Packet Wisdom..
I just woke up and I was talking to my oatmeal and did you know what it asked me?
"In what U.S. city was the world's first traffic light installed?"
Well, I was totally clueless, and quite frankly in shock at how it spoke. Not that it spoke mind you, but the fact that it did so with a thick Rural British accent. I would have figured that a generic American oatmeal...anyway... So it answered its own question, seeing that I was by no means ready to reply...
"Why Cleveland, OH my good boy!"
British and worldly...who would have thought?
Lata ya'll!
P.S. Did you know that Roundy's Apples & Cinnamon Instant Oatmeal was only 2 points a serving? Yeah. That and a small banana make quite the breakfast for only 3 points!
"In what U.S. city was the world's first traffic light installed?"
Well, I was totally clueless, and quite frankly in shock at how it spoke. Not that it spoke mind you, but the fact that it did so with a thick Rural British accent. I would have figured that a generic American oatmeal...anyway... So it answered its own question, seeing that I was by no means ready to reply...
"Why Cleveland, OH my good boy!"
British and worldly...who would have thought?
Lata ya'll!
P.S. Did you know that Roundy's Apples & Cinnamon Instant Oatmeal was only 2 points a serving? Yeah. That and a small banana make quite the breakfast for only 3 points!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Day 1 after the End of the World...
OK... Now everything is out and in the open. Sammy and Amy read my blog and know why I am having a hard time. Amy is one of the few friends I have left, and pretty much the only good one (besides Jean and Sam, I have no idea where Jess is and I lost her number when my phone died). She called me as soon as she read my blog yesterday, she wanted to make sure I was okay. That meant a lot, and since I know you'll read this, "Thank you sweetie, you're too good to me. I don't deserve a friend like you."
Well, this weekend, with the meltdown and all, I have fallen off the wagon. I'm starting my Weight Watchers again tomorrow, but I really blew over my points for the weekend. Last night, as a way of getting over my emotional explosion, we went to Old Chicago... Did I mention I love that place? Sam didn't really want to go, but he did it anyway 'cause he knew I needed a change of scenery. Afterwards, he said he was glad he went. I think he needed it too. This might sound weird, but I am convinced that there is something about this house. Something that puts a negative spin on things. It's like it feeds and nurtures the angrier, darker part of one's being. I lose my temper more when in this house, I'm more violent, antsy, aggressive. I have been convinced that some heavy stuff has happened here since the first time I came and there are things that I have learned about the house that support my suspicions.
Moving on... This morning, Sam made me pancakes, he's too sweet. I figure since I have fallen off of the wagon, why not? It was great. We're gonna head out to the MOA and Ikea soon, but I had to take a moment to blog. I really wanted to just get on here and thank Sammy and Amy for caring. It means a lot. Now I am babbling. Anyway. Talk to ya'll later!
P.S. Thank you Sammy, I don't think I outright said it in my blog, but I really appreciate you and you being there for me. I love you.
Well, this weekend, with the meltdown and all, I have fallen off the wagon. I'm starting my Weight Watchers again tomorrow, but I really blew over my points for the weekend. Last night, as a way of getting over my emotional explosion, we went to Old Chicago... Did I mention I love that place? Sam didn't really want to go, but he did it anyway 'cause he knew I needed a change of scenery. Afterwards, he said he was glad he went. I think he needed it too. This might sound weird, but I am convinced that there is something about this house. Something that puts a negative spin on things. It's like it feeds and nurtures the angrier, darker part of one's being. I lose my temper more when in this house, I'm more violent, antsy, aggressive. I have been convinced that some heavy stuff has happened here since the first time I came and there are things that I have learned about the house that support my suspicions.
Moving on... This morning, Sam made me pancakes, he's too sweet. I figure since I have fallen off of the wagon, why not? It was great. We're gonna head out to the MOA and Ikea soon, but I had to take a moment to blog. I really wanted to just get on here and thank Sammy and Amy for caring. It means a lot. Now I am babbling. Anyway. Talk to ya'll later!
P.S. Thank you Sammy, I don't think I outright said it in my blog, but I really appreciate you and you being there for me. I love you.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Ok...my previous post...
That is my demon right now. That is the beast I am fighting with. I keep taking things out on those around me, those I love because of that. Even though I have this wicked demon biting at me, doesn't mean I should be hurting those around me. How do you tell them that you hurt though? How you convey what is going through your mind with out sounding like you are whining? I just don't want to hear a "get over it" or "that's life" response. Those who were there don't remember, they don't call, and I wish they would, I wish they would come see me. I want to hear that it was all worth it, that fighting to keep going and keep my spirits up was worth it. I want everyone to come around me, a year later now, and say, "Hey, we love you and we're so glad you're here." I feel bad that I can't say these things to everyone, that my tongue gets so tied up. Writing has always been so much easier for me. So...
Sammy, I'm sorry I've been such a jerk lately, I really am. And I DO LOVE YOU more than anything, so don't think that I don't. Please, believe me. I NEED YOU more than anything, really. I wish I could rewind today and not be such a jerk. I want to undo the mean things I said and tell you all the stuff that has been going on inside my head lately, building up over the last few days, weeks, month... I'm just sorry. LYMY always!
Well folks, now, already, in these last two post you can see a bit of the scary locked inside my head. Lata ya'll!
Sammy, I'm sorry I've been such a jerk lately, I really am. And I DO LOVE YOU more than anything, so don't think that I don't. Please, believe me. I NEED YOU more than anything, really. I wish I could rewind today and not be such a jerk. I want to undo the mean things I said and tell you all the stuff that has been going on inside my head lately, building up over the last few days, weeks, month... I'm just sorry. LYMY always!
Well folks, now, already, in these last two post you can see a bit of the scary locked inside my head. Lata ya'll!
1 year and 4 days ago...
1 year and 4 days ago, the phone call came. 3 days later came the diagnosis. The world went black. Now, a year later, it is all black again. Nothing, a nothing that feels cold and bitter to the touch. Painfully numb. I’m ok now, so why does it hurt so much still? 8 days later was the surgery. I wanted to die, and when I remember the fragments of pain afterward… Those fragments that linger on the edge of my consciousness, well, I want to die all over again just to forget. No sight, head bandaged, soft fingers, quiet words, fast footsteps… Darkness, it was all so dark again…but this time it wasn’t a subtle pain, no, it made itself known in a way that I never thought it could. 10, maybe 11 days later, I’m not so sure anymore, the fever made it so sketchy; I ended up in the ER. There was a leak. Unknown fluids fell from the back of my head. Cold, numb, Dark, the Dark was back. It was as if it was feeding on me, sucking me dry. The found nothing, sent me home. 1 day. ER. Pain, unimaginable, pain, indescribable, pain, now I truly understand what it is like to want it all to end. Pain so thick and suffocating it may very well take the last breath from your body. Infection. Staph.
Now my world stops.
I’m floating, away…
Alone…
No more dark…only…Light…
Then. Then it was gone. There was Dark again, in all of its unholy glory. Ripping, tearing, feeding. Moments when my eyes would open I would see my parents. Opposite sides of my bed, each holding a hand. It was the only time the Dark would leave, the only time that fighting the pain and the end felt like it was worth it. Time passes; a night moves by like an eternity, morning brings a second procedure, one that will fix this, that will allow me to heal. I feel better, but not good, living, but not alive, tangible, but hollow. I am a shell now. That’s it. Weeks go by and I am filled with antibiotics and needles. Blood leaves me, sweat leaves me, tears leave, hollow again. Wounds heal shut, but some seem to last forever. But I tell myself to be brave, to signup for college courses, to keep going for the Others. Get a career, make lots of money, take care of your family. Family. You love them so and you want to do all you can. You want to see the grandparents proud. Then one of them gets sick, one of them is gone, one of them is buried, you feel the Dark again, not even your lover can see it. He’s there, helping, comforting, his Angel Eyes keep you bound. You make it through, but you aren’t happy with yourself, you don’t want to make money anymore, you don’t want to be a politician, you want to be happy. I should have changed, I should be better, but instead, a year later, 1 year and 4 days later… Dark…
Now my world stops.
I’m floating, away…
Alone…
No more dark…only…Light…
Then. Then it was gone. There was Dark again, in all of its unholy glory. Ripping, tearing, feeding. Moments when my eyes would open I would see my parents. Opposite sides of my bed, each holding a hand. It was the only time the Dark would leave, the only time that fighting the pain and the end felt like it was worth it. Time passes; a night moves by like an eternity, morning brings a second procedure, one that will fix this, that will allow me to heal. I feel better, but not good, living, but not alive, tangible, but hollow. I am a shell now. That’s it. Weeks go by and I am filled with antibiotics and needles. Blood leaves me, sweat leaves me, tears leave, hollow again. Wounds heal shut, but some seem to last forever. But I tell myself to be brave, to signup for college courses, to keep going for the Others. Get a career, make lots of money, take care of your family. Family. You love them so and you want to do all you can. You want to see the grandparents proud. Then one of them gets sick, one of them is gone, one of them is buried, you feel the Dark again, not even your lover can see it. He’s there, helping, comforting, his Angel Eyes keep you bound. You make it through, but you aren’t happy with yourself, you don’t want to make money anymore, you don’t want to be a politician, you want to be happy. I should have changed, I should be better, but instead, a year later, 1 year and 4 days later… Dark…
Friday, June 8, 2007
Site of the Day:
Here's an interesting one:
http://dorodango.com/create.html
Ok...I have two actually:
http://threadless.com/
http://dorodango.com/create.html
Ok...I have two actually:
http://threadless.com/
Ok...Another Joke...
Scandal Sandals
A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace, looking at the wide assortment of goods, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper, with a Jamaican accent say, "Come in. Come into my humble shop!"
So, the couple walked in.The shopkeeper said, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals upon hearing the claims, but her husband felt he really didn't need them. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, mon."
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on dee wrong feet, mon, you got dem on the dee wrong feet!"
A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace, looking at the wide assortment of goods, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper, with a Jamaican accent say, "Come in. Come into my humble shop!"
So, the couple walked in.The shopkeeper said, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals upon hearing the claims, but her husband felt he really didn't need them. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, mon."
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on dee wrong feet, mon, you got dem on the dee wrong feet!"
And then God said, let there be light...
I utterly detest those who think they rule the world and at the expense of others.
*Sidenote: My dear friend and main reason I have started this up sent me a link to another sight, a well know one, and told be to read a very specific paragraph about talking about your work online. Now if the two of us don't have some kind of weird telepathic bond, I don't know who does. I know that you will read this later Ames and I want you to know that you are right on the money.*
Anyway, to the point, there are those who control every aspect of their environment. For some reason, the can't stand it when people want to do things or experience things slightly to the left of what they desire. It is such a bother as myself, and most of my dear friends, are highly accomidating and willing to do things fairly and equally for all, if not giving up our desires even more so to make people happy. Either way, I am a little irritated right now... The main source of my irritation is not just this type of person, but the fact that you like them, now THAT pisses me off! Why the hell can you not hate people that have those qualities that you hate? I suppose that you wouldn't be irritated by there actions if you were a non-sensitive person and since you are sensitive, you can't hate someone... Huh??? Am I the only one lost in the duplicity and irony of that? It sucks. Why can't I be one of those people who just don't care? I mean, if the good, nice people of the world are going to like me anyway, then why can't I get what I want and do exactly as I please, no matter what?
So, okay, I am done with my rant and now that I have it off my chest, we can move on. So... Ya'll have a good one and take care!
*Sidenote: My dear friend and main reason I have started this up sent me a link to another sight, a well know one, and told be to read a very specific paragraph about talking about your work online. Now if the two of us don't have some kind of weird telepathic bond, I don't know who does. I know that you will read this later Ames and I want you to know that you are right on the money.*
Anyway, to the point, there are those who control every aspect of their environment. For some reason, the can't stand it when people want to do things or experience things slightly to the left of what they desire. It is such a bother as myself, and most of my dear friends, are highly accomidating and willing to do things fairly and equally for all, if not giving up our desires even more so to make people happy. Either way, I am a little irritated right now... The main source of my irritation is not just this type of person, but the fact that you like them, now THAT pisses me off! Why the hell can you not hate people that have those qualities that you hate? I suppose that you wouldn't be irritated by there actions if you were a non-sensitive person and since you are sensitive, you can't hate someone... Huh??? Am I the only one lost in the duplicity and irony of that? It sucks. Why can't I be one of those people who just don't care? I mean, if the good, nice people of the world are going to like me anyway, then why can't I get what I want and do exactly as I please, no matter what?
So, okay, I am done with my rant and now that I have it off my chest, we can move on. So... Ya'll have a good one and take care!
Ok...So I don't know what I should post...
I am absolutely clueless as to what I should post for my first post, so I am just going to throw a joke out there for everone. Here is goes:
A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?''
She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.''
Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''
Ok...Hope ya'll enjoyed that one!
A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?''
She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.''
Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''
Ok...Hope ya'll enjoyed that one!
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