That is my demon right now. That is the beast I am fighting with. I keep taking things out on those around me, those I love because of that. Even though I have this wicked demon biting at me, doesn't mean I should be hurting those around me. How do you tell them that you hurt though? How you convey what is going through your mind with out sounding like you are whining? I just don't want to hear a "get over it" or "that's life" response. Those who were there don't remember, they don't call, and I wish they would, I wish they would come see me. I want to hear that it was all worth it, that fighting to keep going and keep my spirits up was worth it. I want everyone to come around me, a year later now, and say, "Hey, we love you and we're so glad you're here." I feel bad that I can't say these things to everyone, that my tongue gets so tied up. Writing has always been so much easier for me. So...
Sammy, I'm sorry I've been such a jerk lately, I really am. And I DO LOVE YOU more than anything, so don't think that I don't. Please, believe me. I NEED YOU more than anything, really. I wish I could rewind today and not be such a jerk. I want to undo the mean things I said and tell you all the stuff that has been going on inside my head lately, building up over the last few days, weeks, month... I'm just sorry. LYMY always!
Well folks, now, already, in these last two post you can see a bit of the scary locked inside my head. Lata ya'll!
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